


A moment you'll never remember and a night you'll never forget

by Justafan



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Tissue Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8256001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafan/pseuds/Justafan
Summary: "I love you Brendon" Brendon didn't turn to face Sarah as he said "I know" and walked out the doorHe knew, he just didn't care





	1. the knockout punch

“Babe, I'm home.”

Sarah jumped up from where she was snuggled on the couch with Penny and Bogart and ran out into the hall, the dogs following quick in pursuit.

Brendon stood at the front door, with 2 suitcases and that cheeky smirk that Sarah knew all too well. Oh man, she was so deep in love with this man, she might just drown in it.

“Babe! You're back!” she leapt onto him, her arms wrapping around his neck and burying her face in between his neck and shoulder. She felt him stiffen awkwardly before hugging back.

She knew his hug wasn't affectionate, it was routine. She would love, love and love but she knew that he couldn't love her back. No matter how many times he denied it.

“So, babe, since you're back I'll go cook a nice dinner for the both of us, why don't you go unpack?” she said it with compassion, she was trying so hard to be good enough for him. Why wasn't she good enough? 

“Actually, Sarah I'm going to go see Spence, go out for a drink or something.”

She knew, she knew that Spencer and Linda we're going out to dinner, she knew that he wasn't going to see him, she knew what he was really going to do. But she didn't say anything. She loves him so much it hurts. If she said what she knew he might finally get the courage to leave her. If she said nothing and continued being the perfect, loving, ignorant wife she could still cling to the small hope that one day he could love her back. He doesn't mean to hurt you, she told herself. He's going through a lot. He loves you, or he will.

“That's fine Babe, just don't stay out too late, ok?” don't spend the night away, is what she was trying to say, don't leave me alone tonight with my thoughts, wondering whether or not you'll come back to me in the morning.

“I won't, don't worry about me.” he moved his bags further into the hall and dropped them on the floor “Bye, Sarah” he turned around and started towards the door

“Bye, Brendon, I love you.”

He didn't turn to look at her as he stepped out the door “I know.”

That phrase. That one thing that he says when he can't say what she wants to hear. "I know". He knows, sure enough, he just doesn't care.

She couldn't help herself, as soon as she saw his car pull out of the driveway and drive away she fell to the floor, pulling her knees up into her chest and wrapping her arms around them, and she cried.

 

Brendon looks around the packed club, sweaty and hot bodies pressed against each other, dancing in time to the music, he sits at the bar and waves the bartender over.

“Brendon! Back again are we?” the tall, blond laughed. “The usual?” Brendon nodded.

As he was pouring the drink the bartender looked up at him with curiosity in his eyes. “What's it been like, 2 months? What brings you back here?”

“The tours over and I'm back home for the winter.”

“Ah.” he passed the drink over to Brendon “So you're here to see what you've been missing?”

Brendon knocked the whiskey back in one “You know me all too well, Tom.”

“Well, there's certainly talent here tonight. Still the same tastes though? Brown hair, brown eyes?” brendon nodded. 

“You could have anyone in this room. Male, female. Even if they didn't know that you're Brendon Urie. you could still have them.” he looked down at Brendon's hand, clutching the glass “Well, you could have anyone. But with your ring on, the chances are pretty slim.”

Brendon's eyes widened as he quickly pulled of his wedding ring and shoved it in his jean pocket “Thanks man, that could have ended badly.”

“Are you ever going to tell her?”

“Get me another” brendon replied in a cool voice 

“Brendon, you can't just-”

“I said, Get. Me. Another. And make it a double.”

Tom did it in silence, brought him his drink, and walked off without a word, went to serve another customer. Brendon downed the second drink even faster and then looked around once again, this time paying closer attention to detail. The mass of bodies were easy pickings. Young, drunk people, all lined up and ready. Brendon already had his eyes on one. A young man, with light brown hair and soft eyes that crinkled when he laughed. Which was what he was doing now, leaning over with his hand on a red haired girl’s shoulder. Casual enough of a gesture to know that they were friends but not enough to be considered a relationship. They were most likely close friends maybe even siblings. Good, that meant he hadn't brought a date with him. Not that that had stopped Brendon before. He could work his magic on anyone, even if he ended up breaking years long relationships. And all for a night. Ah, but what a night they could have with him. He got up and walked over when the red haired girl walked away.

 

The boy was sitting at a table but looked rumpled as if he had been up dancing, brendon looked down at him as he approached 

“Hi, I'm brendon, mind if I sit?”

“I don't know if you should my fri-” he cut off mid-sentence when his eyes met Brendon’s. He laughed nervously “Actually, why don't you sit down? I'm Jacob by the way” he smiled, it was a nice soft smile. It was funny how the name meant nothing to Brendon, the next morning it would be long forgotten.

“Well then can I get you a drink?”

“Sure, beer please.”

“Beer? That's so not you, I'll get you a whiskey, darling” even under the dim light of the nightclub he could see the way the young boy's cheeks went red. He walked back over to the bar and waved at Tom to come over. With a light hearted sigh and an exaggerated roll of his eyes, Tom walked over “I see you've found one,” he laughed “what will I be getting him.”

“Some of that famous knockout punch, just enough to get him through the night, although right now he seems just about ready to come back with me.” Tom laughed again and gave him 2 drinks.

He walked back to where Jacob was sitting and saw the young man was sitting with the red haired girl he saw before,

“Millie leave, he is hot as, and you are not gonna be a cock-blocker.”

“Fine, fine I'm going asshole,” but she said this cheerily, without holding a grudge.

“Hello again,” Brendon said as he placed the 2 drinks on the table. The red haired girl, Millie, looked at him, shocked.

“That's… That's… Brendon-”

“Millie!” he looked at Brendon, “my friend was just leaving. Aren't you Millie?”  
Millie nodded quickly, breaking away from her previous shocked state “Yeah, bye Jacob.”

She walked away and Brendon sat down, “So,” he grabbed his glass and Jacob did the same “To the night to remember,”

“Yeah,” the young man said “to the night to remember”, he downed the glass with Brendon,before shaking his head “Wow! What was in that?” “A good time” brendon said in reply. 

A night to remember, for the young boy, to Brendon he was just another fuck. Nothing could replace the one he wanted. The one he could never have.

In just half an hour the young boy was too far gone to even walk straight so Brendon offered to take him home, almost instantly the boy agreed. Ah, you have to love the horny drunks.  
Soon enough Brendon was in the taxi with the young boy, driving to the apartment he hadn't told Sarah about, thinking about the way this young boy looked so much like him, the one he couldn't have. 

He didn't know much about the boy, it didn't matter, he would forget it all anyway. Jacob was 19, studying architecture at college. Smart kid, weird that such a smart kid would allow a stranger to buy him a drink. Lucky that Brendon wasn't some creepy psychopath. Just a guy who needed someone to call his for the night, without having to worry about them staying in the morning.


	2. Waiting for the text that would end it all

Entering the sleek city apartment Brendon closed the door behind him and turned to the boy with fire burning in his eyes, he pushed the boy against the wall and trapped him there with two hands against the wall. The boy looked at him lustfully and raised his head in an effort to reach Brendon's lips. Brendon met the boys gesture by pulling him into a fierce kiss, muffling the boy's soft whimper. Brendon's tongue begged for entrance into the boy’s mouth and Jacob was quick to comply. Brendon didn't even have to fight for dominance, Jacob was too far gone and was just letting Brendon do whatever he wanted.

“Let's continue this in the bedroom, shall we?” Brendon said in a husky voice, releasing Jacob from the wall. He grabbed Jacob's hand and made his way toward the bedroom, losing items of clothing as they went.

When they entered the classy, grey and black bedroom, Brendon pushed Jacob gently onto the bed and straddled him. Brendon still had on jeans while Jacob had only his boxers on. Brendon quickly took off his own jeans and boxers and then done the same with Jacob.

“You ready for the time of your life, sweetheart?”

Jacob could only moan and nod in reply.

 

 

“Oh-Oh-Oh… Brendon!” Jacob screamed as he came, brendon following close after, in an almost silent grunt. Brendon pulled out and lay on the bed beside the flustered looking young boy. 

“That was the best sex I've ever had,” Jacob said in awe.

“Thanks, you weren't half bad,” brendon replied as he rolled over and looked at the digital clock on the glass bedside table, 4:52am, it read. He turned back over to Jacob but saw that he was asleep. He looked peaceful while sleeping and looking at his sex hair reminded Brendon so much of… No. Not him. Jacob is nothing like him. 

Brendon got out of bed, avoiding looking at the sleeping boy. He went into the living room while pulling on his boxers and low slung black jeans, he didn't bother doing up the fly or button. He stepped out onto the balcony, a cool breeze hitting him in the face. The city was never silent, but the apartment was. Sometimes when it just him, another lonely night when he can't sleep, he'll go outside, just to make sure that the world was still out there, the world beyond the silence… His head was starting to hurt again, he needed a cigarette. Going back into the living room, he saw a pack of cigarettes, conveniently lying on the coffee table. He picked up the pack and reached over to the black couch that his dark blue blazer was sprawled on. Reaching into the inner pocket he took out a lighter and made his way back outside and onto the balcony. 

With shaking hands, he lit the cigarette and took a long drag. Sarah will be wondering where he is. She might have even called Spence. No, she wouldn't do that, she had too much faith in Brendon. She thought that by putting rings on their fingers it would put a stop to all this. The affairs,one night stands, the fights, the other person that Brendon couldn't stop think of. The fights stopped because Brendon didn't care enough to argue anymore, and she became obsessed with being perfect for him. The other stuff? If anything it got worse, as an act of rebellion. He cared for her, maybe had even loved her at one point and he hated knowing that he was the one hurting her. Yet he couldn't stop. He wanted, no, needed to feel something. And she wasn't enough, all his life Brendon had wanted more, he had only found one person in his life that made him feel enough... but he was gone.

Finishing his cigarette he stubbed it on the black steel railing and went back inside, entering the bedroom. He collapsed onto the king sized black bed and pushing a sleeping Jacob away from him gently. He got to sleep slowly and it was an unpeaceful sleep, filled with the long lost memories that forever haunted him.

He awoke with a start, sitting up in the now empty bed. The memory of the previous night was already fading from his mind. What was the boy's name again? Justin? Joe? Something with a J he thought, scratching his head and looking at the digital clock 10:23. He was surprised that the boy could even get out of bed, they didn't call it the knockout punch for nothing. He got out of bed and made his way towards the sliding door closet, already filled with clothes, as he never wanted to do the walk of shame. Now dressed in scruffy converse, ripped jeans and a comfy flannel, he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and washed his face. The rings under his eyes were quickly concealed with a makeup trick that he had learned on tour. Once he deemed himself presentable he left the apartment.

He made his way towards the cafe, desperate to have his morning coffee and get rid of that hangover that was bugging him, he thought that some of the customers recognized him, judging by their stares and whispers but he was thankful that no one came up to him.

“Hi! What can I get you?” Brendon winced slightly at the cheery tone of the blond barista. “Coffee. Black. Strong. Large” he knew he sounded rude, but he didn't have the patience to deal with other people's feelings right now. The barista didn't seem put off though, “Alrighty then, that'll be $2.50, can I get a name?”

“Brendon” he handed the money over and say down at a empty table. With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and turned it on ; it seemed as if he was always waiting for that text from Sarah, the one that told him about how she knew about everything. About how she was finally going to leave. About how he was going to be alone forever. Each time the text hadn't arrived, how had he felt? More importantly, how should he have felt? Relieved? Disappointed? The phone turned on and Brendon saw that there was only a text from Sarah saying,

“I guess you're staying over at Spencer's, since you haven't texted to say otherwise. Come back soon. I love you. xx”

“I love you” she said it so easily, without a hint of doubt. It made him wince.Through texts, calls, in person, she would constantly remind him. Brendon couldn't remember when he had stopped saying it back, maybe he'd never said it in the first place. No, he remembered when he'd stopped saying it, it was the night he took something worse than cigarettes and booze. Then Brendon had drove dangerously to that person's house… the one that had caused him so much pain-no, the person that Brendon had caused pain to, not the other way around. It was brendon's fault, Brendon's fault. And when Brendon went to his house, high and on the verge of passing out, that was when he had stopped saying “I love you” not just to Sarah, but to anybody. That phrase belonged to one person and one person only, the man who would never say it back. Why didn't he say it back when Brendon knocked on his door, begging for something, anything. The last words he'd ever said to the man who saved him…

“I love you, Ryan Ross.”

And the last words Ryan had said to Brendon,

“I know.”


End file.
